The Experience of Grief
We are all deeply affected when we lose someone we love. We all react differently. These are some of the normal feelings and problems you may experience:
Normal feelings and problems
-Numbness and shock.
-Guilt, fear, anger, anxiety, agitation, loneliness or depression.
-Disappointment about all the hopes that will never be realised.
-Difficulty sleeping, eating, concentrating.
-Finding everyday situations and relationships difficult to cope with.
-Experiencing changes in your sexual drive.
-Being unable to contemplate the future without your loved one.
-Fearing you are going mad.
-Feeling a loss of self confidence and identity.
-Needing to understand why this loss has happened.
Help and support
Often we get the help we need from our family and friends, but sometimes the problems are too much to cope with. We may want to talk to someone who can help us understand why or who has had a similar experience.
You may need extra help if:
-You have no-one to talk to and feel you want to do so.
-You cannot eat or sleep, or if you are having nightmares or your regular routine is disturbed.
-Your work is suffering and you cannot concentrate on work effectively.
-You continue to feel tense, confused, empty or exhausted.
-You are having accidents or you are overeating or you are excessively smoking, drinking or taking drugs in order to cope.
How to find help
The National Association of Bereavement Services can give you information about your nearest, most appropriate, source of support.
Telephone: +44 0171 247 1080
Support Line offers various links to support help and groups and websites
Some do’s and don’ts
Don’t bottle up your feelings ; do remember that crying can give relief.
Do talk about what has happened.
Do let your children share your grief.
Do involve them in the funeral.
Get them to talk about their emotions and express their feelings through drawings and games.
Do send children back to school and let them keep their activities.
Don’t expect memories to go away-the feelings will stay with you for a long time.
Do take time out to sleep, rest, think and be with those important to you.
Do remember that accidents are very common after severe stress.
Do drive carefully and be extra careful at home.
Do remember that grieving is a normal process.
If you can, put off major decisions such as moving home for at least a year.
Do remember that grieving is normal and affects people differently.
We all grieve in our own way, at our own pace and in our own time.
You may find this guide helpful or none of it may be relevant to you, everybody is different.
-Asian Family Counselling service:
Equity Chamber, 2nd Floor, 40 Piccadily, Bradford, BD1 3NN.
Tel:+44 01274 720486
-Cancerlink: 11-21 Northdown Street, London, N1 9BN
Cancer Helpline:+44 0800 132 905
Asian Helpline:+44 0800 590 415
MAC Helpline (Young People):+44 0800 591 028
-Compassionate Friends: 53 North Street, Bristol, BS3 1EN
Tel: +44 0117 953 9639
CRUSE Bereavement Care: CRUSE House, 126 Sheen Road, Richmond, TW9 1UR
Tel: +44 0181 332 7227
Foundation for the study of Infant Deaths (SIDS): 14 Halkin Street, London, SX1X 7DP
Tel: +44 0171 235 0965 (cot death helpline)
Lesbian and Gay Bereavement Project: Vaughan M Williams Centre, Colindale Hospital, London, NW9 5HG
Tel: +44 0181 455 8894
Miscarriage Association: c/o Clayton Hospital, Northgate, Wakefield, WG1 3SJ
Tel: +44 01924 200799
National Association of Bereavement Services: 20 Norton Folgate, London, E1 6DB
Tel: +44 0171 247 1080
Pet Loss Befriender Service: 1a Hilton Road, Milngavie, Glasgow, G62 7DN
Tel: +44 01891 615 285
Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (SANDS): 28 Portland Place, London, W1N 4DE
Tel: +44 0171 436 5881
Support after Murder and Manslaughter (SAMM): Cranmer House, 39 Brixton Road, London, SW9 3DZ
Tel: +44 0171 735 9166
b (SOBS): 82 Arcon Drive, Anlaby Road, Hull, HU4 6AD
Tel: +44 01482 565387
Terence Higgins Trust: BM Aids, London, WC1N 3XX
Tel: +44 0171 242 1010
The Way Foundation: 167 Stanwell Road, Penarth, Vale of Glamorgan, CF64 3LN
Tel: +44 01222 708061